omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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