hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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