i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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