i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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