you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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