I didn't shave. On purpose
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
