shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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