I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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