this boner is exhausting
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
