why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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