I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
