3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
