No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
