:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
