Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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