Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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