u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
