just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Watching her eat just hurts me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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