We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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