WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
