Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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