I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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