is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
