I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
