Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
