I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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