There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
