Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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