we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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