nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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