yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
