Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
