Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
