I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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