i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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