i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Be still, my beating vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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