i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
