i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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