its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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