Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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