i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
