who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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