if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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