I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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