She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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