youre lurking in front of me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
