i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
