She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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