you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
