Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
