ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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