Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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