At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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