I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
