Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
