If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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