my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
