Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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