Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
