Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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