Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
