he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
